How Parents Can Begin Healing From the Trauma of Having a Prodigal Child
- stephaniereck
- Jun 11
- 7 min read
Emotional trauma, also known as psychological trauma or mental trauma, is a deeply distressing or disturbing response to an event or series of events that overwhelms a person's ability to cope. It shatters their sense of security, leaving them feeling helpless, and can have profound impacts on their emotional, psychological, and even physical well-being.
It's important to note that what is traumatic for one person may not be traumatic for another, as individual responses are highly subjective. The more frightened and helpless someone feels during an event, the more likely they are to be traumatized.
Symptoms of Emotional Trauma:
Symptoms can vary widely and may appear immediately after the event or even years later. They can be emotional, psychological, and physical.
Emotional and Psychological Symptoms:
Shock, denial, disbelief
Confusion, difficulty concentrating
Anger, irritability, mood swings
Anxiety and fear (often persistent and intense)
Guilt, shame, self-blame
Withdrawal from others, social isolation
Persistent sadness or despair
Feeling disconnected or numb
Flashbacks (reliving the trauma) and intrusive memories
Difficulty trusting others
Hypervigilance (constantly scanning for danger)
Loss of interest in previously enjoyed activities
Negative thoughts about oneself, others, or the world
Physical Symptoms:
Insomnia or nightmares
Fatigue and chronic tiredness
Being easily startled
Muscle tension, aches, and pains
Headaches
Chest pain
Changes in appetite or eating habits
Racing heartbeat, rapid breathing
Section on trauma from having a prodigal child (this is my experience)
Having a "prodigal child" (a child who has strayed from the family, values, or a healthy path, often engaging in behaviors that cause distress) can indeed be a deeply traumatic experience for parents. It can trigger a wide range of intense emotions and have significant impacts on their mental and emotional well-being.
Here's why it can be traumatic and what that trauma might look like:
Why it's Traumatic:
Shattered Expectations and Dreams: Parents invest immense love, time, and effort into raising their children. A prodigal child's
Loss of Control: Parents often feel a strong sense of responsibility for their children. When a child makes choices that lead them down a destructive path, parents can feel utterly helpless and out of control, which is a key element of trauma.
Grief and Loss: Even if the child is physically alive, parents grieve the loss of the child they knew, the relationship they hoped for, and the family unit as it once was. This is a form of ambiguous loss, where the person is physically present but emotionally or psychologically absent.
Guilt and Self-Blame: Parents often internalize the situation, questioning their parenting choices, wondering "What did I do wrong?" or "Could I have done something differently?" This self-blame can be relentless and deeply damaging.
Shame and Isolation: There can be a strong sense of shame associated with having a prodigal child, leading parents to isolate themselves from friends and family who might not understand or judge. This isolation exacerbates the pain.
Fear and Anxiety: Parents live with constant fear for their child's safety, well-being, and future. This can manifest as chronic anxiety, hypervigilance, and obsessive worrying.
Betrayal and Disappointment: Depending on the nature of the child's actions, parents may feel betrayed, hurt by broken trust, or deeply disappointed by choices that contradict their values.
Financial and Practical Burdens: Prodigal children can sometimes create significant financial or practical burdens for their parents, adding further stress and strain to their already challenging situation.
Symptoms of Trauma in Parents of Prodigal Children:
The symptoms can mirror those of other forms of emotional trauma:
Emotional Distress: Intense sadness, despair, anger, resentment, guilt, shame, anxiety, fear, and hopelessness. Mood swings are common.
Grief: A profound and ongoing sense of loss, often experienced as disenfranchised grief (grief that is not openly acknowledged or socially supported).
Intrusive Thoughts: Constant worrying about the child, replaying past conversations or events, or obsessing over possible scenarios.
Sleep Disturbances: Difficulty falling asleep, staying asleep, or having nightmares related to the child or situation.
Physical Symptoms: Fatigue, headaches, muscle tension, stomach issues, and other stress-related physical complaints.
Social Withdrawal: Pulling away from friends, family, or social activities due to shame, exhaustion, or feeling misunderstood.
Loss of Interest: Losing enjoyment in hobbies or activities that once brought pleasure.
Difficulty Concentrating: Trouble focusing on work, daily tasks, or other responsibilities.
Changes in Relationships: Strain on the marital relationship, or changes in relationships with other children due to the focus on the prodigal.
Hypervigilance: Constantly checking phones, social media, or news for updates on the child, or being overly alert to potential problems.
Coping and Healing:
It's crucial for parents experiencing this type of trauma to seek support and engage in healthy coping mechanisms:
Acknowledge the Trauma: Recognize that what you are experiencing is real grief and a traumatic response. It's not "just" a difficult parenting situation.
Seek Professional Help: A therapist specializing in trauma or family dynamics can provide invaluable support, help process emotions, develop coping strategies, and navigate boundaries.
Build a Support System: Connect with others who understand. This could be a support group for parents of prodigal children (online or in-person), trusted friends, or family members who offer non-judgmental empathy.
Practice Self-Care: This is not selfish; it's essential for your well-being. Prioritize sleep, nutrition, exercise, and activities that bring you a sense of calm or joy.
Set Boundaries: This is incredibly difficult but vital. You cannot control your child's choices, but you can control your responses and protect your well-being. This might involve setting financial boundaries, emotional boundaries, or even limits on contact if the relationship is abusive or consistently draining.
Grieve: Allow yourself to grieve the loss of what you hoped for, without judgment.
Focus on What You Can Control: You can control your actions, your healing, and how you choose to live your life.
Avoid Blame: While it's natural to reflect on parenting, avoid falling into a cycle of self-blame. Recognize that adult children make their own choices.
Maintain Hope (Without Enabling): Many prodigal children do return or find a better path. However, hope needs to be balanced with realism and not enable destructive behavior.
Spiritual Support: For many, faith and prayer can be a significant source of comfort and strength during this challenging time.
The journey of having a prodigal child is often long and arduous, but healing and finding peace are possible.
Healing From Emotional Trauma
1. Acknowledge the Trauma and its Impact (Spirit, Soul, and Body):
Honest Lament: The Holy Spirit often leads us to honest confession and lament, allowing us to express deep pain, anger, confusion, and grief to God, just as the Psalmists did. It's okay to feel the emotions without shame or guilt, knowing the Holy Spirit intercedes for us even when we don't have words (Romans 8:26).
Recognize Spiritual Wounds: Trauma can create spiritual wounds, leading to feelings of abandonment by God, doubt, or even a hardened heart. The Holy Spirit can reveal these areas and begin the process of softening and restoring faith.
Discern Lies from Truth: Trauma often implants lies in our minds about ourselves, God, and others. The Holy Spirit is the Spirit of Truth (John 16:13) and can illuminate these lies, replacing them with God's truth about our identity in Christ and His unwavering love.
2. Lean into the Holy Spirit's Comfort and Presence:
The Comforter: The Holy Spirit is explicitly called the Comforter or Helper (John 14:16, 26). Believers can actively invite the Holy Spirit to minister to their pain, providing peace, comfort, and a sense of God's presence even amid turmoil. This might involve quiet prayer, deep breathing while focusing on the Holy Spirit's presence, or listening to worship music.
Inner Healing: The Holy Spirit can bring up hidden or suppressed traumatic memories to the surface, but in a safe and controlled way within a therapeutic setting. This "inner healing" allows Jesus to enter those painful memories, bringing peace, truth, and emotional release.
Release and Deliverance: In some cases, trauma can create open doors for spiritual oppression (sometimes referred to as a "spirit of trauma" or other oppressive spirits). A Holy Spirit-filled believer can seek deliverance prayer with trusted, mature believers or leaders who are equipped to facilitate this. The Holy Spirit has the power to break strongholds and set individuals free.
3. Engage in Spiritual Practices for Healing:
Immersive Scripture Engagement: Beyond casual reading, immerse yourself in Scripture, especially passages that speak of God's love, healing, redemption, and faithfulness (e.g., Psalms, Isaiah 61, John 16:33, Romans 8:28, Philippians 4:6-7). The Holy Spirit can illuminate these truths and bring them to life in a personally relevant way.
Worship and Praise: Even when it feels difficult, engaging in worship can shift focus from pain to God's character and power. The Holy Spirit empowers us to praise Him, and praise can be a powerful weapon against despair and fear.
Forgiveness (as led by the Spirit): Forgiveness, when empowered by the Holy Spirit, is a profound act of releasing the burden of bitterness and resentment. It's a journey, not a single event, and the Holy Spirit provides the grace and willingness to forgive those who have harmed us, and even ourselves.
Prayer and Intercession: Consistent, intentional prayer, including lament, asking for healing, and inviting the Holy Spirit's work, is crucial. Intercessory prayer from others (prayer warriors, mature believers) can also provide significant spiritual support.
Holy Communion: For many believers, partaking in communion is a tangible way to remember Jesus' suffering and His redemptive work, including healing for the brokenhearted.
4. Trust in God's Sovereignty and Redemptive Power:
God's Presence in Suffering: The Holy Spirit reminds us that God is not distant from our pain but is intimately present, even in the darkest moments.
Redemption and Transformation: The Holy Spirit works to bring about redemption, meaning God can use even the most painful experiences for His purposes and our growth. This doesn't minimize the pain but offers hope for a future where the trauma doesn't define us.
Patience and Perseverance: Healing is a process, and the Holy Spirit provides the endurance and strength to continue the journey, even when it feels overwhelming.
By actively engaging with the Holy Spirit and integrating His work with professional and relational support, Holy Spirit-filled believers can experience deep, lasting healing from trauma that goes beyond mere coping to true restoration and transformation.
Resources to help you on the journey of healing and recovery from trauma:
Email Life Coaching
Life Coaching
Spiritual Mentorship
🙏🏽 Prayer
Hope to hear from you, and how I can support you on your journey,
Coach Stephanie
